Pet Peeve No. 183 – Shoe Crimes Against Humanity


Pronunciation: Brit. /piːv/ , U.S. /piv/

Etymology: < peeve v. Compare slightly earlier peeved adj. and earlier peevishness n.(Show More)  orig. U.S.

A peevish or irritable mood; peevishness; a grumble. Also: a source of irritation or annoyance (freq. in pet peeve).

Section 4.3(ii) of the Shoe Criminal Code – the Scrape-Drag

Picture it.  You’re minding your own business, walking down the street on your way somewhere.  En route, you amuse yourself with your thoughts – perhaps thinking of your next knitting project or wondering what the characters from the book you’re currently reading are doing.  (Yes, I already know how irrational that is, but sometimes I over-invest in fictional or other literary characters.)  The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and you’re feeling fine.  Your idyll is shattered when someone falls into step behind you on the sidewalk and they are committing one of civilized life’s greatest crimes:  the dreaded heel Scrape-Drag.  Perhaps their shoes are two sizes too big, or they are too lazy to pick up their feet when the walk or, worst of all, they think this ought-to-be-indictable offence is an adorable affectation.  (“Look at how quirky and prehistoric I am!”)  Either way, you want to swivel around and clock them upside the head with your purse and shout “Pick up your feet for chrissakes!”.  Honestly, when did mothers stop teaching manners to their children?

Section 4.3(ii)(a) of the Shoe Criminal Code – the “Click/Scrape”

A variation on this offence, is the I’m-too-cheap-to-fix-my-high-heels syndrome.  You know this one.  Woman buys pair of high heels.  Woman wears heels until the rubber thingy on the end of the heel wears off and exposes the nail.  Woman waltzes around town oblivious to the nail clicking and scraping the ground as she walks.  Woman is literally “down at the heel” and is commiting a class “A” felony: the Click/Scrape.  You are possessed by the impulse to throttle the offender.  Come ON!  How do these people not know that it’s a RULE that you need to replace the rubber heel thingy before the nail comes through????  Unless you’re a hobo, there’s no excuse for this.  It costs maybe $8 to fix and is a small price to pay to preserve the sanity of those around you.  One could say it’s a cost of doing business issue.  Besides, all those former convicts who learned shoe repair in lock-up and now work at the cobblers exist for a reason.

You know, we’re living in a society!

And now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for some self-examination…

Ever find yourself skipping along merrily, humming a jolly tune and swinging your arms with self-satisfaction and then suddenly your toe catches something on the path and you stumble, almost losing your balance?  You stop to gather your wits and looking around you notice, for the first time, that you’re not in a breezy, flowery meadow anymore.  Instead, you’re caught in the swirling bitter cold of an ever-darkening forest.  Hey, wait a second.  How did I end up here?  This isn’t the path I started on!  You realize that if you don’t turn tail right now and follow the breadcrumbs home, the only meadow you’ll ever see again is the one in your dreams.  So you say to yourself, as Cher said in Moostruck, “Snap out of it!” and immediately start running home.  Wish me luck!